Solitary, Poor, Nasty, Brutish, and Short
Solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short—these are the words that keep replaying in my mind as of the moment. Sorry for being blunt about it, but if you are smart enough, you will know that these five words, as they are arranged exactly, comes from Thomas Hobbes’ Leviathan. Yes, it may not seem like it, but I am (or was) an intellectual. And again, I am sorry for being blunt about it.
The reason why I am saying all this is that I feel inadequate. My life is somewhat similar to how Hobbes had pictured life would be like in a state of nature—solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short. I have yet to see about the ‘short’ part, but what I do know is that I definitely want to live longer. Anyway, after almost four and a half centuries, Hobbes couldn’t have been more right—in my case, that is.
Solitary. I feel alone, confined, friendless, isolated, lonely, and unaccompanied. I have a boyfriend who loves me beyond words, a family I know I can always rely on, and friends I can go crazy with, but I still feel very much solitary. There is something missing in my life, and I have yet to find out what it is. Although I am not even 23, I feel so old and alone already.
Poor. I am currently still unemployed, and yes, I am aware that I have mentioned this a million times before. Unemployed for me is equal to poor, as I am currently not earning money to spend and squander on shoes, alcohol, bills, domestic duties, and the pursuit of happiness. I’d trade anything right now to be filthy rich than filthy poor. Okay, that’s exaggerating, but I do hope you can imagine how I am having a difficult time financially. Oh, how true is it that money CAN buy you happiness?
Nasty. I noticed that lately, I am always in a foul mood. I’m finding it hard to control my temper—most times, I feel angry although I don’t really know why. I am also grumpy, irritable, and grouchy most days in a week, unless I woke up to a good news, or to my boyfriend’s voice. I have yet to to figure out if this nastiness is related to an empty stomach (due to an extreme drive to get thinner); an empty pocket (reason already mentioned); or any empty brain (due to lack of anything productive to do). I’m guessing it’s all of the above.
Brutish. I have always wanted to describe myself as kind, compassionate, and considerate. I have never been the type to engage in petty fights, useless dissing, and rude conversations; unless of course I am defending myself or fighting for my rights. Lately though, I have this unsettling drive to get back on people who wronged me in the past. I know that it’s not the best thing to do; but hey, when you’re bored like me you’ll think about it too. I still have to figure out how to get rid of this (maybe a new job will help, yes?).
If Hobbes were alive today, he would have hated me for using his famous phrase in such a disgraceful manner. Or maybe not. In any case, I still thank him for providing inspiration to write this post, which is better than sulking in a corner or smoking a stale menthol cigarette.
