Hot Pink Coconut

I Felt Harassed :|

Earlier today, I went to Medicard Makati to have my mandatory pre-employment physical examination. I was expecting the worst, as I thought prior to getting the exam that I had to undergo a FECAL analysis. Much to my dismay, I did get the worst—and it’s not the fecal thingy.

I walked to the reception area of the HMO company bracing myself for thoughts of fecal matter. (Eww gross, haha). I haven’t undergone a thorough physical examination since a few years back (yeah, not a good thing), and much has changed since then. For one, I am smoking quite regularly now (since early last year), and drinking (when there are occasions? haha), so I am perfectly aware that I can’t be as healthy as I was before. Anyway, to cut the long story short, I filled up the out-patient form, waited to be called for examination, and then tried my hardest to ‘look’ healthy.

First thing I had to undergo was the blood pressure (BP) test. As expected (or not), my BP was below the normal range: it was 90/60. I reasoned to the nurse who took my BP that I haven’t had enough sleep for the past few days, which was probably why. He just gave me a curt smile. Hmph. Then he asked me to proceed to the weighing scale. The weighing scale was really old, it wouldn’t even point to the middle for crying out loud. The nurse moved the gauges a bit and took note of my weight. I swear it was wrong, cause I was instantly seven pounds heavier! Hahaha.

After that, he handed my form to another nurse. I waited for a while, and then a MALE doctor called me and asked me to follow him to his room. Ehem. I thought to myself then that that would be the first time a MALE doctor would physically examine me, which was why I was quite apprehensive. I sat down on the chair, answered a few questions he asked me, and tried my best to keep calm. I kept repeating to myself that this guy is a doctor, so he MUST be professional and ethical. (To make it easier, we’ll refer to him as Dr. Do-Nothing in this post.)

As the minutes dragged on, I noticed that Dr. Do-Nothing was trying hard to put me at ease. He must have noticed my apprehension. He was also trying his best to crack jokes that were not funny at all. He even noticed the skin peeling off my shoulders, so he said something like, “Galing po yata kayo sa beach, ma’am. Sa Boracay ba?” (It seems like you went to the beach, ma’am. Did you go to Boracay?). I gave him a polite laugh, and said NO. He followed it up by suggesting Puerto Galera, perhaps. I gave him a more stern NO. (Man, can’t Dr. Do-Nothing take a hint?)

After that, Dr. Do-Nothing proceeded to asking me more health-related questions (thank goodness). He asked me if I was smoking. I answered him yes, since January last year, and that I quit (at an average of) every two months. He asked me if I drink, I said yes, occasionally. He asked me how occasional is occasional, and I told him twice a month. He then commented, “Ah, pag gimik lang.” (Ah, only when you go out.) Aw, c’mon, doc, you have got to be kidding me. Was that absolutely necessary?

Running out of questions to ask, he then proceeded to actually physically examining me. He checked my breathing using a stethoscope, all the while asking me silly questions. Convinced that I was breathing healthily, he then took a penlight and examined my nostrils, then my mouth. He asked me if I had some difficulty swallowing recently, as he saw that my tonsils were a bit irritated. I told him that yeah, I had an allergy this morning when we sprayed Lysol all over my boyfriend’s room. Crappy excuse, but hey! He bought it. Hahaha.

Dr. Do-Nothing now told me it’s time for my breast examination. (My whaaat?) He explained to me that the female doctor has just left, so he had to do the examination. (ZOMG. Are you kidding me?) He also asked me if I want him to call the female nurse instead. I said yes, please by all means. He disappeared for a while then came back with the female nurse. The female nurse asked me to lie down on the bed, take off my bra and expose my breast for all the world to see. (Nyaah.)

Anyway, you can imagine the rest. (Gawd, I hate physical examinations.)