Hot Pink Coconut

What Turned My Life Around at 22

For the past couple of years, so much has happened in my life that I barely kept track of. Some things I thank God for letting me experience; whilst some, I wish had never happened.

Just over a year ago, I found myself lost and going in no direction. Having just finished college, I went through a phase of countless abandoned responsibilities and careless partying nights. I was young, bold, and stupid. I thought I was finally being in control of my life with all the choices I made for myself. It went on for the longest time—I aimed for nothing more than the life I was living then. I tried everything that came my way, without regard for myself or for the people around me. It was a 180-degree turnaround: I started drinking (after 21 years of being sober); I tried an illegal substance (only once though); I abused medication (and almost got hooked); I started smoking (which I never thought I’ll ever do); and I dated a lot of guys (you wouldn’t believe how many losers I have had dinner with).

I justified everything I did that time to myself and to people curious enough to ask me why. It was scary: I knew why I was doing those things, but I never bothered to stop and think if I was going the right way. I just kept moving forward, committing one mistake after the other; creating more memories to regret, more negative things to undo. I was aware of all these, but I couldn’t stop myself. I knew I needed someone to guide me, but I didn’t have anyone. I had my family, but I never considered them. What I needed was someone who can be more than my friend. I needed love.

My dazed existence went on for a few more months, until I had semi-realizations and decided to lay low for a while. I was already mentally, emotional, physically, and (yes) spiritually tired. I still enjoyed partying here and there, but I was noticeably tamer. I had a seemingly fresh start last year: I took on a good-paying job, I made new friends and connections, I developed better interests, and more importantly, I started planning my future again.

I was happy with my new life. After what seemed like many years, I felt almost peaceful and in-control again. I started living for the rewards of the future, and not just for the luxuries of the present. I pampered myself, but I didn’t indulge. I calculated every move I made, in the hopes of succeeding in my (future) career. For a time, work, family, and friends were all I thought about. I knew I was ready to be with someone, but I denied yearning for love or attention. All these changed when I met him last year. It may be cliché, but I really didn’t know that I was looking for love until I met him. He almost disrupted my peaceful existence, but I can’t deny the fact that he became the welcome diversion in my almost routine-based life.

Looking back on that fateful day exactly a year ago, I was already happy and content with being alone. I knew I was missing something but I wasn’t complaining. He was, on the other hand, nursing a heart damaged and bruised from a failed relationship. We were both not ready to commit yet; but we feel happy when we’re together. I helped him move on; he helped me open my heart again. I didn’t feel used, neither did he—everything felt natural for us. Committing to each other was the only logical thing to do, and that’s what we ended up doing.

One year already, and we are still happily in-love. Together, we chase (future) realities, not dreams. At 23, I have finally learned how to make the right choices. I may live in the present, but I always think of the future, especially now that I have someone to share it with. I have learned to completely trust myself without losing my identity, something I had a problem with in the past.

I am not ashamed to admit that love and the drive to succeed and be better turned my life around.

Happy first year, hon. I love you.