Untitled, For Now
I’ve been thinking and feeling a lot lately. I want to write down everything in my mind, but my thoughts run continuously around my head the same way I seem to aimlessly go through my current career path. I want to articulate every single emotion I feel, but they are as complicated as my beloved country’s (and also, the world’s) current weather conditions.
Right now, my fingers type what my conscious tells it to. I hear a neighbor shout something unintelligible then his dog bark, and it irks me a bit. I feel my boyfriend shift in bed then hear his heavy breathing, and I smile contentedly to myself. I listen to the soft patter of rain outside then thought of the super typhoon and my family in another city. I remember an upcoming event I am so looking forward to attending, and I get excited. I briefly consider the prospect of traveling (in the distant future) to a lovely destination and I feel happier. All these in the forefront, but at the back of my mind, it is an entirely different situation.
It’s an hour and a half past one, but I still can’t seem to force my eyes to close. Yesterday night, I was feeling anxious for reasons that I can’t discern. It could be from lack of sleep, from emotional stress due to the typhoon, from the pressure of societal duties and responsibilities, or from unbelievably petty matters that have gotten into my nerves. Tonight, I am no better, albeit I am more calm.
I am not bothered, however, by my sense of aimlessness right now—in fact, I savor every moment of it. I have questioned my goals, purpose, and existence for so long, it’s time I give it a temporary rest. Why shouldn’t I smile without having to feel a bit guilty (because I know, somehow, I made someone unhappy)? Why shouldn’t I take on daily setbacks and failures with my bravest face and without the slightest feeling of shame? Why shouldn’t I say out loud that I don’t care because I really am uninterested, without the fear of being shunned?
Lately, I’ve been living each day with no other purpose but to be alive and thankful. I go to bed the latest I can and wake up early to get ready for work. I eat my breakfast for lunch or my lunch for breakfast (and sometimes I eat none). I put on my favorite pair of shoes, smile, feel confident, and walk tall. I put more creamer than coffee in all my cups and never fail to appreciate its creamy goodness (never mind the extra fat). Doing all these feels liberating.
I know it’s my conscious telling me to live with, think, and feel all these. In the back of my mind, there will be that tiny guilt, that slight shame, and that lingering fear—but I don’t care. Yes, it’s confusing, so I’ll leave it untitled, for now.
Deux ans d’amour et béatitude
(Don’t worry, this post is clearly not written in French because I only know very little non-school French. Haha.)
A few hours from now, it will exactly be two years since we got together. To be frank about it, I never expected the relationship would last. We were off to a rocky start, and you weren’t exactly my type—you never said nor did the things I was looking for in a partner, but you were honest and unpretentious, and it drew me to you. Yes, you challenged and charmed me at the same time. Two years later, after countless fights and makeups, we are still together and the cycle of challenge and charm continues.
2007 was the experimental year for us. We were, like any other couple, still struggling to mesh our lives together. We were, unlike some couples, able to blend beautifully after just a few months. It felt like we’ve known each other forever, and it was the most comforting feeling in the world. We had our fair share of fights and struggles, but we remained together.
A few hours after dawn, we’ll be together in a place we both love—the beach. Hopefully, we’ll be greeted by the beaming sun, and not the weeping rain. Just the thought of sharing something we both love and making memories that last, makes me want to hold your hand and watch you smile.
2008 was the year we affirmed our love for beautiful beaches, magnificent mountains, burp-worthy dinners, regrettable/memorable night outs, and emptied pockets (there were times when we barely got through the week for not having any money to burn). We had a handful of near break-up fights, even before we celebrated our first year together, but we survived all of it.
A couple of hours from now, I’ll be seeing you after I have packed hurriedly, and probably tell you how Chiquito ran after me because he knew we would be leaving him for quite a while. I would be telling you how excited I am for this beach trip, and I would probably be gushing like a 10-year old, but you wouldn’t mind, and you would just smile and hold my hand, and I would feel even happier, and sigh contentedly.
2009 is not yet over and we are enjoying it together. Though we’ve already had major fights a huge chunk of the half year, I know we’ll share a lot more happier years together. Let’s make more lasting memories.
I love you, hon. Happy 2nd year together. 
This Could Be Quarter Life Crisis
I’ve been wandering aimlessly for quite some time now. Drifting from place to place, clique to clique, job to job, dream to dream. If you ask me now what I would like to be someday, I can give you an answer right away. But ask me how I see myself in a few years’ time, I would have a hard time, possibly a long time, before I give you a lousy answer.
I am half-optimist, half-pessimist: I look into the future with both fear and excitement. Right now, however, I’m having a hard time looking at the future with a positive outlook. Everything seems vague, bleak, undefinable, unattainable. About a month ago, I took an exam in Cebu that could change my career path. To tell you honestly, I felt unprepared. I was pre-occupied with the primary reason we went there: my boyfriend’s birthday. I remember I was more excited to check out the club near the place we were staying at than wake up early for my exam the following morning. Of course, I didn’t party but I still slept late. I reached the examination place early (it was 10 minutes away), but had to go back because I left my IDs and pencils. Talk about knowing my priorities.
More than a week ago, I celebrated my 24th birthday by partying with friends and burning money on alcohol. I could have done much more with the money I’ve spent on damn expensive bar drinks, but I can’t really complain for the happy memories I’ve shared with my friends. Of course, there’s nothing really wrong with having crazy fun, but at 24, I am a bit exhausted. At this age, I should have set my priorities straight, followed-through on my life-long plans, and work on becoming a better person—not just for myself, but for the people around me as well. I know I’ve been saying this for quite some time now, to the point that I’m repeating myself, but I have yet to really work on it.
Last Sunday, I was about to sleep after a long night of hanging out with some friends, when I couldn’t resist asking my boyfriend, who was more than ready to sleep, a very simple yet powerful question: do you love me? Of course I know the answer, but I wanted to hear him say it. Something quite unexplainable just tugs at my heart every time I hear him say those magic words with utmost honesty. That night, however, I asked him because I was bothered by the end of a lovely relationship his best friend had with a girl we had grown to treasure. Apparently, his best friend has grown tired of this girl and dumped her for another girl just like that. What’s worse, he’s been seeing the other girl before he even broke up with her. Some people never learn to be content, look at the bigger picture, and make things work while hoping to be better. It scared me for a while to realize that it could happen to us too,with all the fights we’ve had concerning (rather bland and insipid) third parties. Pessimistic yes, and after two years, it still scares me.
But it’s not just about love and relationships. At 24 and less than a quarter of my life plans realized, I have every reason to be pessimistic. When I entered adulthood, I thought things would be so much simpler: I’d be earning my own money and spending it as I please, my parents would stop constantly watching my back, and I’d be able to do things the way I want to. I like who I am right now, but I can’t deny that I feel a growing disappointment take over my (half) optimism. I’m tired of waiting for things to happen, but I don’t want to rush because I don’t know where I’m going next. I’m more than ready to give up the luxuries afforded the youth, but I can’t seem to start fully taking responsibility for my actions. I still somehow feel lost, more than I would like to acknowledge.
This could be quarter life crisis. I just hope it’s only as fleeting as my pre-breakfast mood.
Earth Day 2009: The Green Generation
It’s April 22 once again. To some, it’s just another day in April, another hot summer day, or a day to celebrate a personal cause. To others who are aware and actually care, it is much more than just a day—it’s Earth Day.
Earth Day started in the United States in 1970, back when modern environmentalism has just started to gain followers. It was former U.S. Senator Gaylord Nelson who promoted the idea of a ‘grass-roots’ level (i.e., through symposiums, rallies, and discussions in college campuses and other venues in various cities), of caring for the environment, thus giving birth to the idea of Earth Day. The eventful launch of Earth Day on April 22, 1970 saw around 20 million Americans take to the streets to promote a sustainable environment. It has greatly helped spread modern environmental movement as it is known today.
Since then, Earth Day has been recognized and celebrated around the world. Various campaigns and activities have been, and continue to be, carried out in major cities around the world each year. As an individual in school, at work, or in the community, there are many ways that we can participate in this worldwide environmental initiative. For Earth Day 2009, the Earth Day Network encourages people around the world to be part of what they call the Green Generation: an initiative towards promoting environmental sustainability that includes everyone.
I’d like to encourage everyone to be part of the Green Generation. In our own little ways, we can help achieve the goals of Earth Day one step at a time. It doesn’t matter what our affiliations are, caring for the environment is everyone’s responsibility. Please click here to find out how you can be part of the Green Generation.
We only have one Earth, please let’s do our best to take care of it.
Don’t You Miss Eating Meat and Other Silly Questions People Ask A Vegetarian
“Nothing will benefit human health and increase chances of survival for life on earth as much as the evolution to a vegetarian diet.” – Albert Einstein, Nobel Prize in Physics, 1921
I’ve been a vegetarian for six years now, and every year, I get asked the same questions by people I’ve just met, people I’ve known for a long time but just found out I’m a vegetarian, family and relatives who can’t believe/can’t quite comprehend that I am a vegetarian, and friends who can’t believe I’m still a vegetarian after all the years.
Every year, the questions these well-meaning people ask sort of give me multiple déjà vus. Questions range from the rhetorical to the utterly senseless—overtime, I have somehow developed mild indifference and slight annoyance, with a tinge of amusement toward the why-are-you-vegetarian questions people throw at me.
But of course, part of being a vegetarian is dealing with all the bewildered looks and the ensuing hows and whys. Perhaps what has kept me amused over the varied reactions and questions I continuously get is the comedic quality of it all. And for your amusement, my dear friends, I have listed them down.
Question number 1: Do you eat fish and seafood? How about [insert enumeration of all types of animal-derived products, right down to eggs, milk, cheese, and butter]?
I get asked this a lot of times, even after I have explained what a vegetarian diet is. [Insert sigh of exhaustion here].
Well, to answer the question (in the hopes of warding off future chances of being asked this again): no. No meat whatsoever. I do not eat animal meat and meat by-products, however way you classify them. But I am a lacto-ovo vegetarian, so I eat eggs and (some) dairy products. I used to be a vegan for two years, but I terribly missed the saltiness of cheese. In this part of the world where I live, finding soy cheese is next to impossible, so I shifted to a lacto-vegetarian diet. Gradually, I started including eggs in my diet again. I’ve been eating eggs and dairy products for about three years now.
Question number 2: Aren’t humankind’s physical make-up specifically configured to eat meat?
Ah, the rhetorical question, ever so eloquently delivered. I don’t know why some people ask me this. It’s either they want to appear smart(er), or they just want to annoy me, that’s all.
Honestly? I don’t know about your physical make-up, but mine has been configured to not eat meat anymore. I may have eaten meat in the past, but my body has adapted very well to not eating any meat and meat by-products, thank you.
Question number 3: Aren’t those animals raised/bred to be eaten by humans?
Sigh. I feel just the slightest bit of sadness when some people ask me this. The poor animals are doomed to be cut up, broiled (or fried, steamed, whatever), seasoned and spiced, and served up on the dining table. In the past, humans were hunters/gatherers, but as technology progressed and human thinking evolved, same poor animals were commercially bred and raised in massive numbers just to feed the entire meat-consuming market.
Imagine if commercial meat production was never invented: it would have been really time-consuming, not to mention hard, to put meat on the table. Come to think of it, maybe more people would have decided to become herbivores if that was the case. Well, I don’t know about your evolutionary path, but I feel mine does not have the need for raising, breeding, even hunting, animals for food.
Question number 4: Don’t you miss eating meat?
This one really frustrates me. I’d usually answer the question by asking them what they think. I’d usually get an ‘I don’t know, that’s why I’m asking you’ for an answer back. If I am in a good mood, I’d tell them that on the first few weeks of shifting to a vegetarian diet, I missed eating fish. But if I’m in a not-so-good mood, I’d usually snap back and say, “I wouldn’t still be a vegetarian if I miss eating meat, because I’d be a hypocrite if I say I am vegetarian but I continue to miss eating meat. And I’m not a hypocrite, you know.”
To answer the question, once and for all, I absolutely do not miss eating meat. I am too happy eating tofu cooked in every way possible, crispy fresh veggies, tasty vegetarian dishes, and delicious nuts and legumes, to even think about missing eating meat.
Question number 5: Why are you vegetarian?
Perhaps the most frustrating question ever asked me in my six years of being vegetarian. During the first few years, I would usually answer the question by enumerating my reasons one by one, each properly explained. But as years passed by, I kind of grew tired of having to explain myself over again. I feel bad for people who’d asked me this and got less than proper answers. Hmm, maybe I can refer people who’ll ask me the same question in the future to this post and this other post so everybody’s happy.
Anyway, to answer this final question, I turned vegetarian for a whole lot of reasons, all beneficial, to say the least. And oh, I am a vegetarian because I made the choice.
